I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
