I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
