It's Friday. Sex?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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