we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
