I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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