using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
