I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I love having hate sex.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
