u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
