who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
