so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
