so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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