Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
