I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
