just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
