I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
