I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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