I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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