Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
