Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
