now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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