Sponge bath it is.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
