i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
