I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
