dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
