She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
