There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
