I just saw a hot homeless man
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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