she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
