I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
