he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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