There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize