I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
