So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm too high and old for this...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
