Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize