Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Acid is not a monday night drug
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
