i was born a porn star she said
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
