Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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