Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
