i permit you to call me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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