Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Even my vagina gasped.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
MIDGETS
????
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
