we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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