she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
