Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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