where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
jump out the window naked night went bad
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