You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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