I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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