i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I intend to get homeless drunk
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
