Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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