yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
