His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize