if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
