I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
