when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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