He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
