I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
