just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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