After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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