she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
