i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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