you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just found puke in my bra..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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