I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
two words...techno handjob
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
