Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
