YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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