Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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