I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
