Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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