im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
