Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
