Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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